Bike Blotz on a Friday night

OK, so I may have sounded flippant when describing the amount of policing of the recent cycling ‘Blitz’ on Melbourne’s streets during the week. I saw a total of 6 police during my morning and evening commutes to and from work, so to me there didn’t seem to be heaps going on towards it. Jump to Friday night, when I have actually left the house and landed in the ‘big smoke’ for an evening of square dancing and virgin mojitos. Now, for some inexplicable reason, well it is actually quite explicable, just a tad uninteresting, I had left my bike in the city on the way home from work so had to catch the tram back in to meet my bike and my friends. Well, my bike at least.

Catching the tram in the evening can be a very surreal experience, especially when one is not used to bright lights, loud talking, fresh faced kids ready to party, and homeless dudes. I was lucky enough to have a pair of fresh faced kids ready to party come and sit next to me. I thought I was pretty cool, sitting there, holding my bike helmet staring off into the not too distant future, when these two cool kids came and sat next to me. It became apparent that one was way cooler than the other, and it took great strength to not just obviously listen in on their conversation. So I continued my vague stare into space, while my ears were trained on their very interesting dialogue. It went a little something like this….

Cooler Kid: So Jonno is going to cull the guestlist at *some club*… do you think I will get kicked off it?
Not As Cool Kid: How would I know?
Cooler Kid: Well, I don’t go there very often, but when I do I always bring a crowd with me.
Not As Cool Kid: I guess you’ll be OK then.
Cooler Kid: Yeah.


And it went on like this for a long time. It seems that the cooler guy is on the guestlist at every cool club in town, and is probably the coolest guy in Melbourne, if not Australia. The other guy was going along with it, but was bummed about not going out on a date with some girl he met. Perhaps this isn’t very interesting, but during the journey I realised that I had left my bike lights at home by accident. How annoying. Now, cycling at night with no lights in not one of my favorite things to do, but I can usually manage if required to. This is where the bike ‘Blitz’ comes back into it. There were police on every corner. I went to collect my bike, and police on horseback rode by. I met my friends and we went to ride to get a coffee, and there were dozens of police out there policing. It was incredible. It may have a little to do with late-night-alcohol-fuelled-violence but this was unprecedented.

After a few hours square dancing, it was time to call it a night. I collected my bicycle and prepared to ride home, lightless in the early hours of the morning, but there were still cops everywhere! They probably had other things on their minds, like violent assaults and vomiting teenagers, but I decided not to risk it and walked a few blocks on the footpath. Soon enough there were no longer any police around, so I jumped on my bike and rode on into the night, dodging drunkards on the street hailing cabs as they puked.


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